Forehead and Booty

This man right here has provided me with some of the best insights during young adulthood.


We met during freshmen orientation in college and have been tight ever since. He's a funny cat.

One day, we were chilling at the spot just shooting the breeze with some other friends of ours. Not too far away, there stayed some chicks that I knew. I was cool with them, but my friend didn't really know them personally. One of the neighbors saw the group of us outside talking and decided to come over. My friend was introduced to her and a short conversation ensued. After a few minutes, the neighbor went on her way, and we resumed our previously schedule chitt-chat.

Did I mention that the entire time that the neighbor was talking with us, that she was talking to us about herself about some bullshit?

The woman was pretty self-absorbed. She had the ability to make any conversation about her. Actually, she wouldn't converse with anyone unless she was able to insert *her* into the topic. All this to say, her only redeeming qualities were her physical attributes. She had a messed up smile and 5-head. Her smile looked so insincere and forced like a sales associate from Zayre or Goldblatt's in Lake Meadows. The one thing that she did have going for her was her nice round butt. It wasn't really big. It was nicely shaped, she had some child-bearing hips, and some solid thighs.*

Yeah, that's her style....
And my friend picked up on it during that very short conversation. He picked it up so well, that not a minute after she was out of earshot, he said the following that shall remain in the "Quotables Hall of Fame"


"She should be called 'Forehead and booty'!!!! Because all she's good for is head...AND ASS!"

Once he said this, we all laughed hysterically....BECAUSE WE FELT THAT IT WAS TRUE!!!!

In hindsight, she only looked good due to lack of competition at the time. The situation in college was at a low point when it came to fine women at MU. The top prospects and blue bloods had graduated and the same calibre were not enrolling like they used to. It was like Boise State playing in the Patriot League. I feel that she was destined to become the trophy wife for a washed up 5th round NBA draft pick who spent 3 seasons riding the pine in the Czech Republic or the cast memeber that gets kicked off after the first season of the next "Real Housewives of..." show on Bravo.

Anyways, since then, I've found myself quoting my friend whenever I come across a (somewhat) attractive woman that fails to provide anything redeemable other than her looks. I could care less if she knows that is how she's getting by in life or not. It is quite hilarious when they know that they aren't the sharpest tool in the box, but yet try to overcompensate this by "learning something"...I say this because it's the next step before patting them on their head like a toddler, telling them "Nice try, kiddo!".

*Ask an "Ass Man" to describe random nice looking butts, and you will get a desfription like this