Homecoming 101

Here are the current reasons as to why you, as an alum(or friend of) of The University of Missouri should come to Homecoming this year. Since this is the 101st Homecoming(Not just ours, but OF ALL TIMES!!!), I thought it would be a good idea to run this on the theme of a course to introduce those who may not be aware of the shenanigans we've come to appreciate. This is also for those who feel compelled to "repeat this course" so as to improve their knowledge in this particular field.

This list is ongoing so please feel free to add your own reasons to fall through.

-Its an early game this year, but more worthy of making it on time than when you had to go to the Geology Building for 8am Lab
-Does not mandate signatures like your MAP requirements, if we see you there, you’re good in our book
-Showing up guarantees you a passing grade, but you fail if you pass out
-No bitchassness
-No empty Maytag boxes will hurt or damaged if they should appear
-There is a 34% chance that you will see a member of Iota Phi Theta at some point during the weekend
-Do it for all things Clarence Wine and his cowboy boots
-For every single person that does not make it, Random Guy’s powers will increase exponentially
-we’re playing the University of Kentucky(UK), and not the university of Kansas(kU), but to dyslexics its still the same
-Wouldn’t you like to see Jigg?
-The positive vibes of the Cardinals making it to the World Series may propel Mizzou to a win
-Although its no longer with us, do not forsake the spirit of Andre Thorn’s jheri curl by not coming
-Imagine KC bbq fresh off the grill being dipped in some Mild Sauce from Harold’s
-Trops, muthafucka! T-R-O-P-S! Trops!!!!!
-You can't claim to have been drinking all day if you don't start in the morning
-Have you heard about the state of KC sports in 2012? KC alums need to feel loved by their peers
-The next time you'll see this many alums together will be at *insert such and such's name here* wedding
-Its been a while since you last had El Rancho
-When 8ball & MJG's "We Started This" gets played, everybody is going to sing the chorus with their chests
-Again, we really don't want Random Guy to become all-powerful like MonStarr from "SilverHawks"

Labor Day Weekend Part 2

4) If a prospect is entering grad school this fall, be sure to know where their heart’s at
See, some folks enter additional education just to go through the motions society has placed on them. Others, do it for more purer purposes like learning, and developing as a human being in an incubated setting. If you find out that you’re dealing with the former, you may have fallen for the oke-doke. They stop going to class and have an abundance of free-time on their hands that is not used constructively. Much like those draft busts, these folks are like the early entrants at skilled positions that fail to further hone their craft once granted access to better resources and greater flexibility. Instead, they just get lazier and waste away ON YOUR TIME!

5) A workhorse RB is the same as a chick with an established career, good credit, experience in relationships and not lingering, hurt feelings from previous cats.
Sometimes, they’re like Adrian Peterson minus the injuries…Or can’t stay with one team like Thomas Jones…Its all about the proper match. Needless to say “Not My Kind of Girl” by New Edition is not a song for them to listen to because they’ve heard it time and time again. Although, the times that you had with them were productive, the pairing just wasn’t finely tuned.

6) Also know who can be a starter for you and who is best coming off the bench
“Im not looking for anything serious!”, “My job has me traveling a lot in the fall”, “I need somebody to hold me down until my main partner gets back from Iraq” are all phrases to let you know that being a starter is not a priority for them or they can’t give you 30+ minutes a game due to lingering issues.

7) Keep in mind the waiver wire and undrafted rookies that can be picked up later
Back to those OTA/Off-season signings…let’s say after this happens, and things just don’t work out. You’re forced to drop said talent early on in the season. Don’t fret you can still invite folks to the practice squad that have also been released from other squads. You have to be aware of the rumblings that go on in the waiver wire. Shit is like submarine warfare at times. These news items are low key for the most part and if you don’t find out early, you might miss the chance to sign

8) Prioritize either Offense or Defense, but not both. Special teams is for those that do dirty macking.

9) If they take the WantHerLicked Test please emphasize this in your final evaluations for setting your roster

Labor Day Weekend

Labor Day Weekend is the NFL combine of Cuffing Season!

You need to be prepared for the shenanigans that will happen over the next few days. As well as be able to choose properly while folks are out auditioning. You don’t want to be like The Raiders under Al Davis this weekend. You want to be more like The Patriots, instead! Above all else, ideally, you should know that what you want is also good for the long run(winter time) and what works best for your type of moves(game). Never get a chick that parties all the time if you’re a guy that gets uneasy having his girl out in the streets constantly. That’s like having Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson and Shannon Sharpe as your wide receiver corps but you have Art Schlichter as your starting QB. The key is to know your own moves and strategy before going in.

I have a few pointers for folks to keep in mind, much like the pre-draft guides you see in April.


1) Much like grocery shopping, never choose while there is nothing in the cupboard
If you have a prospect that's been to OTAs or endured the summertime regimen, you should have a firm idea if they are going to be asked to stay on the fall. If you don't have such a prospect, then I strongly advise that you do NOT go in to this weekend famished for fear that your judgement may be impaired while scouting talent.


2) Be weary of those that have a strong desire(thirst) to get chose, they may falter down the line
Much like JaMarcus Russell, be very careful of folks that are showing out this weekend because they know that you and others are on the hunt for inclimate weather companions. They want to be taken early so as to avoid going to fall social events solo that have high percentage rates of couples also attending. The downside is that once they get selected, they lose all ambition and enthusiasm that was there during this weekend. They become homebodies when you initially thought they kicked it 8 days out of the week. Shit like that! You're left with a dud when you thought had found a stud early on.


3) Know the difference between a TE that can catch and block rather than a WR that can catch & block
This a fine tune thing that cats should be on the look out for when choosing. The subtlety in knowing what you want and what you don't want can be a very thin line. You have to be alert so as to avoid making a mistake this early on. Its not as bad as #2, but it has the potential to make the season a bit dreary and long.

More to come tomorrow....

NFL Draft Outlook 2012

PAM OLIVER'S WEAVE profile

Strengths: Pam Oliver’s Weave is a menace! An absolute beast! Once you see it lined up across the line of scrimmage, looking at you, salivating for when the play gets going, opposing players cannot help BUT to feel queasy just before the ball is snapped. The frightening factor is high. And with good reason, too! It has led Florida A&M in tackles, forced fumbles, and inexplicable hurling for 3 straight seasons. It also twice set the record for in-game tackles in games against Fort Valley School of Extensions in 2010 and in 2011 against Delaware State of Nappy Roots. Please note that in both contests, Pam Oliver’s Weave was in on game-changing take downs in FAMU’s favor

Weaknesses: Can’t stand rain and humidity. This has been exposed plenty of times throughout its career! Although Pam Oliver’s Weave has not missed a game due to injury, it does show throughout certain contests that certain conditions do have an effect on its performance. Strangely enough, even in Atlanta’s Georgia Dome, a controlled environment, it has been exposed as fighting against the Dirty-Dirty’s powerful standard of humidity. It simply needs to overcome such obstacles by always being prepared with a strong-toothed comb nearby.

Away Games

Lately, I've realized that I have been playing a lot of "Away Games" when it comes to meeting women. I've been fishing in somebody else's pond. Poaching on somebody else's hunting grounds. And, as Avon told Stringer, you have got to be careful playing too many of these away games. Just ask the basketball teams from the SWAC and MEAC....

Yeah, its good to play your fair share of these "away games" in order to become a better player. It helps with your adaptability and how you can handle 'Hostile environments', so to speak. However, too many of these will have you worn down and inefficient. And also, more likely lacking any discernible identity that people can use when describing you to others when you’re not around.

You don't want that to happen....

Not only that, in playing too many "Away Games" you won't be able to build a rapport with those at "Home". These would be the bartenders, waitresses, other regular patrons, the actual owners of various establishments that you frequent, where you meet/take members of the opposite sex. You need to be in a position where they will give you an assist. It also helps to know which agents might throw salt your way should you bring a young lady as company. These can also be called ‘hostile fans’.

What is it about a sista with some freckles sprinkled across her face?

Yeah, I fall for curves(in the right places) and some ass(proportional and bigger) all the time, but what is it about freckles on a sista that I have to take extra notice? In the past, it hasn’t even been the heavily freckled ones, but the not so plentiful or sparsely freckled ones that I fall for. Moreso, this isn’t an old, since I discovered the joys of women type infatuation. Its been a fairly recent development(10-15 years) that I tend to pique my interest if I come across this skin development.

Ya know, growing up in a predominantly Black world, you would think that a sista with freckles would be old news for me. For instance, sistas with blue eyes and blonde hair are to other dudes is almost like a unicorn for some brothers to cross paths with. But for me its not! I knew a girl with blonde hair/blues in high school, and 2 others in college with the same features. I’m so used to and cool with it that I have to dig deeper to find something about them that I’m more attracted to. Chalk this up to maturity and the ability to move beyond something as superficial as looks.
However, with freckles…

My ears perk up like a Doberman’s whenever they hear a strange noise. All other brain functions just stop and my attention, all of it, is directed toward sista-girl with the skin blemishes that resemble Signac’s Femmes au Puits. I don’t remember when this phenomenom first appeared. I have no idea how it started nor the first sista that I recognized sexually with freckles. Its just been haunting me like an ex-girlfriend who happens to be free whenever I hit a slump.

Rest in Peace, Marvin

Also, its nothing like having those that you helped in your time here, send you off something right....